Oblivion
by kriitikko
Summary: Events from original novel and Mary Reilly told from Jekyll's point of view. ONESHOT. I do not owe characters. R


**Hallo who ever you are!**

**First of all be careful because there are most likely going to be spelling and grammatical mistakes, English is not my native language. **

**Secondly I would like you to understand few things. I am a big fan of "The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde" by Robert Louis Stevenson. I've seen dozen different movie versions and I'm fan of the musical also. So it was only a matter of time before I would write my own fic. I started post this story in chapters last winter but that didn't work so I stopped. Now I'm going to post entire story in a one-shot. I'll use some monologue straight from the novel, just because I'm a fan. Hope you will like this. This will also contain scenes from "Mary Reilly" by Valerie Martin.**

**Thirdly I do not owe any of the characters. **

**Thank you and enjoy!**

**OBLIVION**

They've gone now, but only for a little time. I know Poole and Utterson will return soon and I have absolutely no escape. What does it matter anyway? Officially I don't even exist anymore. I'm sitting in my chair in my laboratory. I'm nervously holding the little bottle in my hands. My hands are shaking uncontrollably but I don't care. I must not find it in my heart to feel pity for myself and him anymore. I should have known it would lead to this but my own arrogance and foolishness blinded me. I'm about to die soon and I can't help but remember the events that brought me to this moment.

My name is Henry Jekyll and this is my story, life, events and confession. I was born in 1846 to a wealthy family in London. My father was one the founders of St. Jude hospital. I think my interest towards human mind and soul began with my father. In the hospital, club or any other social place he was perfect example of a gentleman; quiet, dignified and so on. In home he was totally opposite; he shouted, drank and beat me and my mother with his gold headed cane. Some nights he left us for "a charitable case" which meant he cheated mother by visiting brothels in East End. My mother couldn't take it long and she dies when I was twelve. Father followed soon after by throwing himself from the window. Officially it was an accident. So it was very early on when I began to understand that man is not one but truly two.

Because of my father and family wealth I got a privileged education and became part of our society. I became one of the most respected doctors there are. I was trusted because I founded hospitals to the pours from my own pocket. I didn't make much of friends, only my school time friends Gabriel Utterson, who is also my lawyer, and Hastie Lanyon who also became doctor of medicine and my servant Poole, who has been my butler for almost 20 years now. No women in the life of Henry Jekyll, I'm afraid. Of course Miss. Fanny Osborne has lately shown interest towards me, but I think it's inappropriate; she is at least two decades younger than I. Though she is very beautiful and more than once I have dreamed of her.

I became a gentleman and learned to play my part to perfection. All it took was to suppress my true emotions. Never lose temper, never let people know you true thoughts and opinions and never show your desires. Put it simply: do not have fun. When I continued to live in a façade like this for years I ultimately became ashamed of my thoughts and actions. Like almost every gentleman in London I also had found myself time to time in one of the less respectable houses, but now I couldn't do it anymore. I couldn't think my desires without blushing.

That was when the idea came to me: what if I could separate the two natures of man; the so called good and evil? Think of the possibilities: desires to cheat and kill would forever to be gone and man could be free. I could actually help mankind to take a next step towards the better world.

Excited by the idea I studied human mind and all that we know about it. It took years before I started to see the light in the end of the darkness, but once I saw it I ran in to it. I worked hard in my laboratory, sometimes days without sleeping. This didn't do well to my health but I was so close. Finally I came to solution that right way to perform the experiment wouldn't be surgery as I first thought, but to consume a subject with a drug, a certain combination of rare chemicals. When I believed I had found the right chemicals and right formula I knew it was time to test it on a human subject.

I brought my test results to Board of Governors of St. Jude- hospital in the hope of getting my patient. I explained them how in a deeper level every human being is same, how the primitive desires are in every one of us. They didn't take it well. Sir Danvers Carew, my old school friend and Member of Parliament, declared how shocked he was that somebody could even suggest he, the upper-class gentleman, would have something in common with lower class. The rest of them thought that God decides should man be good or evil and that it is not our place to do anything about it. I was quite frustrated at this point so I asked what if God doesn't exist. They went quiet from the shock and I heard somebody saying "blasphemy". To my utter disappointment I found it to be none other than my friend Lanyon. Even he didn't share my visions and so my request was rejected.

I felt angry and betrayed. I wanted to show them all that things are not wrong just because they are new. I was depressed for two days. Even Mary couldn't cheer me up. I mean my housemaid Mary Reilly. Mary is a sweet child whose father abused her when she was young. Once the bastard locked her in the closet with a big rat, she still carries the scars. Mary has been couple of years in my household and she is most concerned person I have ever met. She sometimes asks am I alright when I'm exhausted by my work. She has a strange way of bright my mood and I often find myself missing her company. Of course I can't speak with her as often as I prefer. She is my housemaid and I won't have people talk ill behind her back. People tend to jump to conclusions. Anyway, Mary immediately noticed something was bothering me but even she couldn't help. I knew what I had to do.

With all the courage that I had I made my decision. If board wouldn't allow me to have a patient I will get one myself. I had only one nominee for the job: myself. I would become a knife as well as the wound. And so on that faithful night in the year of 1885 I worked in my laboratory while my servants already slept. I took the necessary chemicals and made the needed drug. In that glass before was the work of many months and this was the moment my entire life had waited to come. And so I drank. The drug tasted bitter and little salty. First I couldn't find anything happening but a little light-headedness. Then the pain came. Nothing could have prepared me for it. I felt like my own blood was boiling in my veins and how every bone in my body was braking and how someone was hammering my head. I couldn't think nor stand up; I only could think that this is death, my ending.

But I didn't die, sadly. Eventually the pain left me and I found myself on the floor. As I stand up I felt myself lighter than before and more energetic. I knew myself to be ten times more wicked and the thought delighted me like wine. As my senses returned I found some other changes in me also. I was smaller than before and I had longer hair. I needed to see myself but I had no mirror in my laboratory so I decided to go to my room. As I crossed the courtyard that separates my house from my laboratory, I felt more alive than never before. Looking to the black sky above and breathing the fresh air felt like I hadn't done it in years. I felt happy without any good reason. As I finally reached my room I looked to the mirror and almost gasped. My skin was more colourful, my hair was longer, my eyes almost glooming and I was certainly at least half younger. My fingers were long and bony and my face…I don't even know how to describe them. For some reason I smiled a smile that would make anyone grovel in fear. I looked at that abomination in my mirror and I felted mesmerised. That was the first time I saw Mr. Edward Hyde.

I had made a significant breakthrough. When I first time took the drug I transformed myself to this other being. When I as he took the drug I became myself again. In order to study the darker elements of mans mind I decided to give this other me an independent life. I lodged myself as Hyde to an apartment in Soho. I ordered some new clothes to him as mine were too big. I also decided to tell my servants that I have an assistant helping me in my work, in case I ever needed to go to house as Hyde. Also as a scientist I knew there was always a change I wouldn't be able to become Jekyll again. So I made a will where I would leave everything to Edward Hyde. Utterson was shall we say surprised by this decision of mine.

So my dark journey began. As Hyde I felt no shame or regret, I could fantasy anything I wanted without blushing. Feeling was euphoric. For some reason I kept my fathers old walking cane with me. As Jekyll I could hardly even look at it, still remembering the beatings, but as Hyde I felt strange interest towards it. As Jekyll I could share the pleasures and wickedness of Hyde. As Hyde I did everything I desired to do. I felt young and more alive than ever before. During my nightly trips to East End I did everything. I drank alcohol more than needed and I usually fought with peoples, sometimes without any reason. In "houses" my appetite was endless. First I only needed woman, but soon I wanted two, then three, then a younger girl, then a younger boy…Hyde was never totally satisfied and he always looked something new.

It is hard to put events in a timeline of when things started to go totally wrong. I do remember how without feeling shame Hyde could do something out of impulse. He one night beaded a girl of maybe six. Unfortunately he was caught and was ordered to pay 100 pounds to girl's family. I had to give them a check under my name. This new soon found its way to Utterson's ears and he started to enquire more about Hyde. I think he suspected that Hyde blackmailed me. Anyway I had to transfer money from my account to his so he could use them as pleased. But did my troubles stop in there? No.

I had hoped that I could somehow counter the effects of the drug and turn the tables upside down. I made different variations of the formula but only thing I ever found in the end of the tunnel was Hyde. He had grown inside me bit by bit like a parasite. I realised that I hold no control to him. One night in one of "the houses" I basically ripped a girl to pieces in bed. I had to send Mary to give money to the Madame so my name wouldn't be mentioned. I hated putting Mary in the middle of this. I couldn't stand the idea of that innocent child seeing the things that I as Hyde did. I could just barely keep Hyde away from her. Every time if she was close to Hyde I could feel his lust. I once broke a teacup in his bare hand in order to keep him still.

But one night, when Hyde was wondering the endless streets of London, he met a young man walking hand to hand with Miss. Fanny Osborne. I of course knew that Miss. Osborne's flirt had only been a young girl's crush; nevertheless I had felt flattered and was now jealous. Hyde also felt my jealousy only ten times stronger. He followed them when they were walking on a bridge, then attacked them and dropped the young man to the water. Miss. Osborne tried to run away but Hyde chased her like wild animal stocking its prey. He got her in a lonely park and, God forgive me, beaded her with bare hands. And then he took her right there, took her virginity and innocence. He left her there in the ground alive but traumatised. He chuckled all the way back to laboratory. When I was again me I fell to floor and cried. I returned as Jekyll to park and found her still there. I took her home and arranged medical care for her. Her parents were so grateful that I helped them and kept in secret from the media, when I was just protecting myself. I have never felt so great self-loathing in my life.

The final strode came when I one morning woke up in my bed as Hyde, when I certainly had been Jekyll in the night. I understood I had now two choices. I would both live rest of my life as Henry Jekyll and never felt that magnificently elated feeling that pleasures gave me. Or I would live my life as Edward Hyde without friends and being loathed. I decided to put the chemicals away and save what little there is to save of Henry Jekyll. For months I kept myself from drinking the drug but every time I thought I had conquered the temptations it came stronger than before. And finally one night, during the moment of weakness, I took my chemicals and realest the demon so long kept inside. As Hyde I walked the streets of London looking for something I didn't know. And then, by some diabolical coincidence, I saw certain person coming out of one of the houses. It was none other than Sir Danvers Carew, same man who had been disgusted by the idea that he could have something in common with simple folk. That hypocrite! Hyde immediately felt it too, only stronger, and he knocked Sir Danvers to the ground with that damn cane of my father. And before poor chap had time to realize what was happening Hyde started to beat him with every inch of his body crying for blood. He beat and beat and beat until the cane itself broke from the middle. He then continued kicking the man who was already covered with blood. Finally Hyde stopped and I knew he had murdered him. And Hyde laughed triumphantly like he would have conquered the entire world.

Next morning I learned that police knew who had murdered Sir Danvers Carew. Not only had my father's cane been found but somebody had also seen Hyde. I quickly removed all evidence of him from my laboratory and write a short letter where Hyde explains to Jekyll he has leaved for good. My two natures have memory as well as the handwriting in common. I tried to change my writing little as Hyde. If Utterson did recognise my handwriting when I gave the letter he didn't say anything. He was relieved that Hyde was away so my name wouldn't be mentioned with this case.

I had failed; my dream had turned into a nightmare. The only thing I could do was live on and try my best to be a good person. But how to be good now that I know how much darkness there is in me? I did my best to be good. I gave donations to schools and hospitals. I started again make house calls and visit more often my free wards. For a moment it actually seemed to work. I even started to see more often my old friend Lanyon.

Then one day my nightmare returned. It was a lovely day and I decided to go for a walk in park. I sat down to one of the benches and watched as children played. Suddenly very familiar feeling of light-headedness consumed me and before I knew any better the demonic pain ran through my body. In a matter of seconds Edward Hyde took Henry Jekyll's place without the drug! I didn't have time to think how this could be; I was wanted for murder so I had to hide but where? I wasn't carrying the keys to the side door of my laboratory with me. Going to the front door and Poole would call the authorities. My only choice was to have somebody else get the chemicals and bring them to me. But who would do it? Poole and Utterson both knew Hyde by the appearance so I couldn't ask them. It had to be done by someone who doesn't know Hyde…Lanyon!

I quickly made my way to one cheap hotel I knew and took a room for a day. Then I send a letter to Lanyon with my own handwriting asking him to get the chemicals and then give them to certain man in his house at midnight. I made the letter sounding very desperate that he must think I've gone mad but I was desperate. I posted the letter and spend rest of the day walking circle in my room. I didn't dare to show myself. It wasn't until very late I left the hotel to Lanyon's home. I had made sure in my letter that he should be alone so I wasn't surprised to see him instead of his servant open the door. He gave me a strange look. I must have looked ridicules as Hyde in Jekyll's clothes but he didn't laugh, nobody dared to laugh to Edward Hyde. He had brought the chemicals and suddenly I wanted to show that denier of life just what man can do. Lanyon and I had always had our scientific disagreements. I took the chemicals and mixed the drug. And then I gave him the choice to see what miracles science can do. He was obviously nervous but played brave and said he would be ready to anything. I drank the drug and changed back in front of him. I tried to explain what he had seen but he went to a shock and told me to leave and never returned. Couple of weeks later I heard that he had died. His death had been caused by shock. In my excitement I killed him.

I made Mary do me a bed in laboratory for I knew I would be spending time there. She seemed only happy that she could do something for me. She has become very dear to me. I tell her that and she blushed furiously, that sweet child. After I lock myself to laboratory I try to find a way to get rid of Hyde. Transformations have started to occur on their own accord. Sometimes it happens even three times a day, sometimes all it takes is me to fall to sleep. I send Poole to dozen different pharmacists but its no use. There must have been some impurities in my original drug because no-one has been able to repeat the exact chemicals to me. I'm doomed, I know that now. If I won't be able to create an antidote before original drug ends I will be staying as Edward Hyde. Unlike him I need the drug to turn back.

I've become desperate. Each time I change back to Jekyll I loose little more of the original drug. I try to stay Jekyll as long as possible by staying awake. I don't remember when I have last eaten anything. I'm afraid of looking into a mirror as I don't know will I see myself or him there. I went one night back to house to collect some books. As I desperately tried to stay awake I read the book in my laboratory aloud. Mary, who had been awake, heard me and came to see if I needed something. The moment I noticed her I could feel how Hyde tried to take over. I knew just too well what he would do to Mary and just barely I pushed him back. I almost lost my balance so Mary came to support me. As I looked down to her I saw she wasn't wearing socks or shoes. I couldn't help but smile when I saw her little foots and how embarrassed she was. I wished her goodnight and went back to my laboratory. I decided not to enter house anymore, I would not let Hyde have her.

I know that my servants are leaving in fear now. They have heard my screams of anguish as well as Hyde's. They suspect there are two persons in the laboratory. It's only a matter of time before this will all end. I have lost any hope of getting my control back. It's over. I went to my courtyard as Hyde one night when the house was sleeping. I looked up to the black sky and saw stars shinning there. Hyde cried that night. It is marvellous how much he loves life and knowing he won't live much longer terrifies him. Suddenly I hear something and I stop crying. Mary is in the yard looking at us. I/Hyde look at her little amused. She is terrified of me but she won't run. Instead she asks what has happened to her master. The sweet child is in the presence of a murderer and still she cares about me. Hyde almost kills her but I just and just regain control. Instead Hyde tells her to wait and return to laboratory. Once I had emerged I returned to yard to found that Mary was still there. She begged me to come to house and call the police. I only tell her it is too late for me. Hyde's fait is my fait. She doesn't want to believe it. This is the first time I see her hair loose. She is beautiful like an angel. She cries to my chest and I hold. When I hold her close to me I feel happiness I have never felt before. Could it be love? I feel Hyde emerging again so I kiss her forehead knowing it would be the first and last time I do so. I don't say a word but I wish her good-bye and good luck in life with my eyes. I know she won't tell anything about Hyde to other servants. I know she has already started to doubt the truth. Somewhere in the back of her mind she already knows my secret. I leave her to courtyard, her eyes still shining with tears.

It's been three days since that night and end has finally come. Drug has ended; I will never be Henry Jekyll again. I sit as Hyde in the dark laboratory room with a bottle of poison in my hands. I pray Hyde has courage to free him and me. I know we could never take those steps towards gallows. Poole and Utterson have started to break the door to here. With trembling hands I swallow the poison; it starts to effect almost immediately but I can hardly feel the pain. I've become so numb to it. I fall to the floor and everything starts to go dark. Door must be broken now because I see Utterson's shoes. I remember Mary's feet and I wish for God that I will wake into a world where I shall feel that wonderful happiness of holding her close again. I don't see of hear anything anymore. I just feel so tired. I surrender to it.

Sweet oblivion has finally arrived…

END

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